A Friend Loves at ALL times

God why is it that.... that tiny portion of scripture in Proverbs 17, seems to be the toughest one to live out right now and learn.
"A Friend Loves at all times." I have been looking at this verse everyday as my screensaver/wallpaper on my phone. It also sits on top of my dresser and not only that, I've even tried to remind myself of that verse as my status on gmail, or even facebook. Why does it seem right now to be a hard thing to do? I need your help with this one Lord because I feel that even the friends I am trying to love at all times, may not even be a friend to me. That hurts. Should we just call it unconditional love? Whatever it is. I'm having a hard time, holding back how I feel, without lashing out and saying something I will regret in the long run.

There it is, the cross I've been trying to bear. It's nothing in comparison, not even close to the one that you chose to bear. Still a hard one for me today and I ask you for help. I can only think of the verse in Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Such a good reminder. And that verse makes me think of Matthew West's song "Strong Enough." That song always encourages me whenever I hear it. The lyrics are as follows:
"Strong Enough"

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

God, I know I'm not strong enough. I am broken and down to nothing. Maybe you think I'm strong enough to give me what I'm going through but I feel weak. I mean you were with me last night when every fiber inside of me wanted to turn to someone and say look, if you don't want to be my friend, why don't you just tell me. Or that feeling of wanting to turn my back on them all together. Seems like an easy way out anyway. Seems to be what people do to me over and over so why not return the favor? At least these are the thoughts that run through my mind. It hurts Lord, to feel ignored. To feel like people don't care for you... even stupidly enough to feel for some reason they won't even add you as a facebook friend because of some reason or another. Is it really validation through facebook that makes us feel like we are important and accepted? I guess I thought if we were friends the least they could do is that.. but no doesn't seem to be happening. Do I desire it? Yes. Do I need it? ..No. Will I gain acceptance from it? I'd like to think so... but No. What hurts more than all of stupid ridiculous facebook is just having a friendship thats up in the air. Knowing they may be hurting and their hurt ended up making me hurt. I know they didn't want to hurt me, but it happened. It happens as time goes on and I can't just talk and discuss everything that has gone down over the past month or so. Instant Messages are confusing, and texting too. I want to have a heart to heart and be able to explain things to an audible voice. The interpretations in chat and texts I think is where a lot of friendships get confusing. I mean they may tell me, look I had to tell my friends to not contact me for awhile. So for a moment I may think Okay, its not just me. But then when you notice they are online all the time, its hard not to think that you are just the only one they don't want to talk to. Cause logically if you are going to log into a chat.. you must be talking to people right? So God this is where my mind has gone.I know our minds are just crazy places sometimes. I want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Lord, I just need your strength and help right now because Loving this person unconditionally has been a test on me. So if a friend loves at all times... this is a time I need you to help me with.