My Heart Cry (A Modern Day Psalm) Chapter 2

Written Oct. 30, 2009


The other day Lord I couldn't make the right decision as to go or not to go. I cried out to you from the pit of my stomach and from the depths of my soul. I worry so much about what people think of me if I show up to a place they are. Once you are labeled a name, you fear you will be labeled it again. Even if you're labeled it by people you are cheering for in silence, from the sidelines. Oh! Karen just showed up Lord. Be with our conversation. It's great to see her again. I have missed her so much. I will be back. Hold on. I'm at Insomnia coffee. As you know I was here yesterday with Miranda and Cynthia. I like it here. Coldplay is playing. Couldn't get any better as I sip on my Pumpkin spice chai latte. "Speed of Sound."

Ok God I'm back!! Yesterday when I was treating myself to dinner rather then being some place I really wanted to be, I believe you were with me. You are with me through it all and I learn You are a big God. Maybe you have been mad at me. Maybe I have been mad at you. Only you Lord can calm the storm. Thanks for speaking to me through Isaiah 12 which states, "I will praise you O Lord. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation. I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, The Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

God! O please comfort me! Be my salvation! Help me to trust you and not be afraid. Be my strength Lord and be my song. So, Lord, though I have been confused and don't understand why things happen. Though I am hurt be my strength and my song. Help me to Love people even when they hurt me. If I have dreams and get discouraged help me to dream anyway. Help me to forgive even when nothing makes sense. Speak to me gently. Am I walking on the right path? Will you bring restoration? Where do I serve? Why is there division between followers of Christ? Oh Lord I want to be more like you. I don't want to be bitter, but I want to please you. Thank you for comforting me through lyrics by The Glorious Unseen. "How my heart skips beats when your love accepts me as I am." Thank you for loving me and accepting me as I am. Even when others don't accept me, YOU DO and that AMAZES ME. I love you.
Amen

My Heart Cry (A Modern Day Psalm) Chapter 1

written Oct. 25, 2009



God!! Right now I am very angry with you. I am hurt and I don't feel like spending time with you or praying to you. Why did you make me care for people so much to end up getting burned time and time and time again. Are you out there?? Do you care?? My soul is Downcast God. I am losing faith and struggling with hopelessness right now. I feel like you are up there sitting there and forgetting about me. I feel so misunderstood and thrown aside. I'm sick of being thrown aside and discarded. I try to follow what your word says "love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you." "Love your neighbor as yourself." I love too much and get shot down. Why is it when I try to encourage someone its interpreted the wrong way? Why is it that I can't trust you as much as I want to? God you made me real and honest and caring but it seems those characteristics people don't want a part of anymore. God I want to get married someday!!! Is he even out there?? I've tried to remain pure and wait on you. Its sooo hard. When will you answer my prayers. God listen to me in my distress. Help me to forgive when its hard to forgive. Help me to love when its hard to love. Help me to wait when its hard to wait. I've been in the Valley for far to long Lord. "Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil." Take away my fear. Cast down the idols that seem to take residence in my life. Fill up my vacant heart with more and more of you. I'm sad God. I don't want to be discouraged anymore. Give me direction when it comes to where to serve and which church to attend. I'm scared of the unknown. I'm lonely out here. I know I try to be in control and I try to get people to talk to me. Forgive me. I just want to tell them God I'm sorry and that I miss them. I hate awkwardness. I hate being sooo real to a fault. Why do I feel?? Why do I kneel? How do i let things go? God if Psalm 20 says this

Psalm 20
For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!


ANSWER ME IN MY DISTRESS!!! Help me to obey you and give You whats Yours. I ask for your help. I ask for your wisdom. I ask for a miracle in my life and in my friends lives. Please give me the desires of my heart according to your will. HELP ME TO TRUST YOU. O LORD SAVE ME.

Amen.